80s/90s Woman on Dice (Acrylic on Canvas)

I have no idea what this is about. For what it is, graphic-design-wise, this is pretty good I guess. I wish I knew why this exists though. I can imagine this hanging in some gay guy’s loft apartment amid a bunch of black and chrome and glass furniture. Or if not a gay guy, perhaps Temu Patrick Bateman.

That having been said, CONGRATULATIONS ARE IN ORDER: this rather strange little number was the (Value) Village Art Gallery’s 200th exhibit!!! Thanks to all of you who have silently (since comments are disabled haha) been enjoying the (V)VAG for the past sixteen months. I’ve very much enjoyed the process of finding new and interesting objets d’art to exhibit here and then delivering my Saturnine pronouncements on them. I entertain myself here as much as I try to entertain you. Anyway, I’ll keep this short. For those of your interested in statistics, from January 1st to May 30th of 2024 we’ve had about as many new artworks hung as we did for the entirety of 2023. Progress! Until I get bored or beaten up, I’ll keep at it. Huzzah!

Sunset Meadow (Acrylic on Canvas)

See previous painting commentary. Of the three, this one came in First Place, Gold Medal here. Of course, everything is relative. Going by the entire galllery, this is a bit above bottom rung. I barely like the sky and sun, and I mostly like the fact that there’s a sense of actual depth here per the meadow vale/valley/whatever. The flowers are lazily done though: they’re recognizably flowers only because of where they are sitting: on the ground, near some grass. It’s kinda like purple candy tasting like grape but if it were colored red you’d say it tasted like cherry. And BOY that sure is a pointy mountain off towards the right. Dang.

Sunset on Snow (?) (Acrylic on Canvas)

See previous commentary: Third Place here, Bronze Medal. It’s colorful, which is something I like. But the pile of rocks, which has cultural significance round these here parts, is awful. Seriously: there’s not much one can do to make a vertical pile of rocks interesting. Especially when the rocks are black due to shadowing. Pfft. If anyone is interested in playing detective, the flower looks very much like a Water Lily we’ve exhibited here in the not-so-distant past. Same artist maybe?

Mountain Landscape (Acrylic on Canvas)

I’m going to speed through these next three because I suspect (?) they are all by the same person. And I’m almost certain it's a fairly prolific someone we’ve seen here a number of times before. Of these three, this comes in second place: I like the sky. I semi-like the idea behind the clouds but not the clouds themselves: they look like a sock puppet, or pillow/mattress stuffing. The mountains are so-so and the meadow is just not that good. Silver Medal. And that’s being generous.

Marbleized Abstract (Acrylic on Canvas)

Another one of these. Regulars here know how I feel about these things: messageless distractions and wallspace-fillers. This though is probably the best one we’ve ever had. I get why some folks like this kind of thing: it’s just not a favorite of mine. Still, this one is pretty nice.

Women of waterColor (Watercolor on Parchment)

Another one (three, actually) that I don’t know what to make of. They’re good! They look like real people. Faces are tough! But why does the one chick have bugs crawling on her WHOA literally as I was typing this I realized they’re Lightning Bugs! I get it now. Nice! I’d be fine with Lightning Bugs alighting (haha get it?) on me as well. Also Junebugs, Praying Mantiseseses, Butterflies and umm maybe Cicadas. Anything else would have me flipping out. 

Anyway, these are really pretty great. Not great in a “Framed Hanging on a Wall” way, but great in a “Part of My Portfolio” way. 

Well done, person-with-a-squiggly-name-I-can’t-quite-make-out, well done.

Chinese Landscape (Acrylic on Canvas)

I don’t know what to make of this. It’s…interesting. It’s definitely not a bad painting. And there’s a lot going on to attract one’s eye (almost too much!) The colors are nice and seem, considering the subject, very real. This almost to me looks like it was painted by someone from China. The colors seem too bright, too abrupt to have been done by someone not well-acquainted with what I would consider a Chinese-ish style of painting. I guess what I’m getting at is if there’s something akin to Chinese Kitsch, this would be it. If I’m way off base here, feel free to correct me.

(Haha you CAN’T since I don’t have the comment function enabled. Too bad!)

Postscript (3/8/25) It is now enabled. Do your worst.

Ship Creek (Watercolor on Parchment)

(Value Village Art Gallery Favorite)

Here’s a bit of Alaska history. The date on the back of this is 1972. The artist was H. Richardson. Matted and framed. Someone liked this a lot, and understandably so! It’s beautiful. There are two little people down by the creek, perhaps fly fishing? 

I should go back tomorrow and buy this.

Graveyard at Night (Acrylic on Canvas)

The black part of the night sky, stars and mountains (?) aren’t great but the graveyard silhouettes are top notch. And the green-to-yellow transition of the Aurora (or Swamp Gas or whatever that is) is a welcome change from what we usually get when folks are trying to do the Aurora ie blue and purple.

Really digging the green/yellow. Whew!

Mountain Landscape (Watercolor on Parchment)

Terrible photograph on my part, sorry about that: I was trying to avoid there being a glare on the glass of the frame this was in and every pic came out blurry as hell. I’ll go back tomorrow and get a better photo if this is still there.

Not quite as good IMO as the watercolor immediately preceding this one, but it’s still pretty nice. Seemingly professionally matted and framed so someone thought rather highly of it. 

Good work!
 

Woman (Watercolor on Parchment)

Really nice. Nothing snarky or unkind to be said here. I like it.

 

Mountain Lake (Oil on Canvas)

I am 90% certain this demonstrably old painting doesn’t qualify as the kind of amateur or even semi-amateur art we normally showcase here. It’s so good that I think it was probably department-store-bought ala the 60s or 70s equivalent of Target or Walmart (ie The Treasury, Zayre, Woolco, Sears, Kmart etc.) The only reason I have that lingering, niggling, pesky 10% of doubt is because we have a) birch trees, b) snowy mountains, and c) a lake involved, all of which are popular subjects for painting round these here parts. As usual, until someone proves me wrong and can demonstrate that it was mass-produced, it stays. But if this was legit amateur human being semi-local created art, I think we can all agree that what we are seeing here is some pretty good work.

“Borealis has Landed” (Acrylic on Canvas)

The title was on the back, as was the signature (illegible, but it started with the letter V.) 

Another purely decorative, messageless, meaningless space-filler. It’s not bad: actually it’s beautiful. But I suspect that, given the proper tools, a 5-year-old could do this as well as (or possibly even better than) the artist/culprit here has done.

Green Bass (Acrylic on Canvas)

To be honest I don't know if this is a bass or not, it’s just the first thing that came to mind. But it reminded me of the box for the SNES “Super Black Bass” game from back in the 90s so I went with it.

Cutting to the chase: the body of this fish looks more bent than arched, its bod-to-fins placement scenario seems jacked up, and it looks as if its mouth is full of cream-style corn. 

Other than that? It’s perfect.

Masque and Candles (Oil on Masonite)

(Value Village Art Gallery Favorite)

I had to do a little research in order to figure out what to call the material that this was painted onto and in the process I learned all about Masonite! It's what was used to make clipboards and pegboards and all sorts of stuff in decades past. Brown and smooth on one side, coarse on the other, but if you were to break it in half it’s kind of fibrous inside.

ANYWAYYYYY. When I first found this, I was like “ugh, it’s stupid and awful” mainly because it’s a little static and a lot boring. But then I got to looking at the brush strokes and the subtle variations of color, on the mask at first, and then the candles and background as well and realized that this is a very very technically-proficient painting. I mean, I wish it wasn’t such a “blah” subject, but it’s like almost perfectly executed, color / shading / depthwise. The flames are humdrum but I feel like maybe they’re that way because in the context of the painting they needed to be? Or maybe they’re even supposed to be candle flame lightbulbs? My point is that the skill here is such that I really don’t care.

There’s a quality of casual, coarse, confident and almost disdainful competence here. These broad brushstrokes kick all sorts of ass! I wish this thing were signed. Maybe I’ll go back tomorrow and buy it.

Despite there being no feet, Gulley Jimson would approve of this painting I think.

Penguins in Love (Acrylic on Canvas)

Aside from this being a totally asinine subject to paint (and it really is quite amazingly asinine), from the stressed out / overworked brush strokes and overall shakiness of them, I feel like there was a painfully amateur artist who was really really really trying to do his or her best here. And THAT, my friends, gets one a positive review of their painting. Do you understand the point I’m trying to make? While I hate what this is, I very much like how it is; the energy existence of it as an attempt/effort at something. I like the action of it, but not the being of it.

Next time just paint a bowl of fruit maybe.

Trolls/Gnomes on Pumpkins (Acrylic on Canvas)

 

It’s just not good. There’s actually nothing here for me to say anything nice about. For real. And these kinds of gnomes/trolls/whatever need to stop being a thing. I mean it. 

Abstract (Acrylic on Canvas)

Last week we had a clump (knot? blockage? obstruction?) of paintings which I surmised may have been assignments that were ditched by an Art Class student on his or her last day of class immediately after his or her grades had posted. This I think is one more. If any others like this show up, I won’t exhibit them since I don’t want to overdo it with any one person’s work. 

That being said, this here is kinda nice. Yes, it’s easy, familiar, uninspired, and slightly boring, but for what it is, it’s not bad at all. 

Good work.

Red Lily? (Acrylic on Canvas)

It’s like the artist just kinda…ran out of steam. This is certainly not a Good painting, but at one point it had the potential to at least be a Not Awful painting. Unfortunately, the artist Lost His/Her Way. Petered Out. Gave Up the Ghost. 

The unfinished stems and leaves are particularly awful. I gaze upon them and feel my own mortality looming, as if the Grim Reaper has grasped me by my Lymph Nodes and given them a cold unkind bony squeeze.

Evening Sky (Oil on Canvas)

When I was a kid, about one weekend a year there would be commercials on a local TV station for an event called something like “Starving Artists Show” or “Starving Artists Marketplace” or something similar. I think it was like a planned, traveling event and the pitch was that this circus-like business would try to sell/move/unload “paintings by internationally known artists, at hundreds of dollars below the retail price!” So it was maaaybe real art, by real artists, but probably the kinds of artists that paint the same scene or image over and over again? I don’t rightly know how it worked exactly, but I think it was a way for product (art by artists in a stable of artists) to be moved by, well, a kind of Art Pimp. I wish I knew more.

Regardless, this is a nice painting. So nice in fact that either A) we’re very very very fortunate to have it, or B) it’s too nice; suspiciously nice even. So nice that I think it’s not done by a real amateur non-commercial non-mass-producing type of artist.

But: it’s SOOOOO WEIRD. Black. And Orange. And Yellow. It’s UGLY, in a good way, but not it a Brutalist kind of way. I’m having second thoughts now. This has GOT to be amateur art. No sane person would pay good money for this from a professional artist. But a sane person WOULD pay good money for this from an AMATEUR artist. I hereby declare this to be “A)” Final Answer. 

To the artist: nice work, bud!

Postscript: see 8/19/23 (“Hut on Lake or River”): same artist? Not sure. Definitely amateur if so. This is what the (V)VAG is all about. Excelsior!

Man Falling Out of the Sky Next to Oncoming Ocean Liner About to Crash into a Volcanic Island of Blue Flame (Melancholy on Ennui)

How does this keep happening? 

I realize that, since the era of PostModern Art, pretty much anything can be considered Art as long as you can convincingly pull it off, but…mannnn.

I guess the sorters at VV have a canvas, any canvas show up, with…something…anything on it, and they just figure “Hey, someone’ll buy it.”

I almost couldn't bring myself to exhibit this one. But I did. Mea Culpa.

Bird and Branch (Acrylic on Canvas. Literal Canvas. Like Maybe This Is A Canvas Book Bag On A Wooden Frame)

This thing makes my eyes hurt. I have no fucking idea what is going on here. Maybe this was a first attempt at stretching a canvas? The branch, for all its dimensionlessness and boring uniform brownness, isn't bad if judging by its shape alone. The bird is…what?…the Woodstock Bird or something? Unfinished fake phony First Grader leaves. This is unnerving!

Winter Scene (Acrylic on Canvas)

These were sitting right beside one another so I’m thinking they were intended to be hung together. If not, the one on the bottom here is realllllly not good: among other defects, the sky looks like an Impressionist ocean / battleship convoy. I think these two painting’s respective quality ratings (the first being uninteresting, the second being awful) averages out to a solid bad. Plus: BLUE AND PURPLE!!!

Reid (Charcoaol on Parchment)

Just kidding. But I really did think the rock said “Reid” on it at first.

Today’s entries feel like someone’s art class assignments that were ditched on the last day of school. They’re really…not…very great. But these folks tried, and that’s what’s important. Keep it up people! Never Surrender!
 

Faerie (Acrylic on Parchment)

Sigh. I had a great, mean, snarky, funny-as-hell remark all ready to go and...I just can't being myself to type it.

Some things are just too awkward for me to make fun of them.

Thus painting isn't great. But if someone under 18 did it, keep practicing. Nice effort. You've got heart, kid. I've got faith in you. Keep at it.

You can do it!

Misshapen Duck (Watercolor on Parchment)

This duck’s head is misshapen. It looks like Beavis!

It also looks like it’s up to no good. It’s probably mad at the world because of its deformity.