Riverbank Scene (Watercolor on Parchment)

This one is pretty nice I think.

It’s been my experience as the curator of the (Value) Village Art Gallery that, generally speaking, artists using watercolor as their medium more often than not usually seem to know what the hell they’re doing. I mean, going by memory, I don’t think we’ve ever had a demonstrably awful painting here that was done in watercolor.

I hope I didn’t just jinx us 😬

Anyway, this is a nice little watercolor painting. It’s a shame that the artist didn’t sign it.

Bluebird (Acrylic on Canvas)

This is...either pretty good or kinda good. It probably looks like what the artist wanted it to look like. It's not my cup of tea though. This feels very Easter-y, Spring-y. And I'm a Summer or Autumn. Still. A lot of time and effort probably went into this, so I won't make too much fun. It's okay!

Snowman (Acrylic on Canvas)

Nope. Just...nope.

Nope!
 

No Description (Acrylic on Canvas)

This is understated to the point of being invisible, nonexistent. It's a cypher, an enigma. There's a pattern, but it's...really kinda not very there.

I honestly can't tell if this is sorta good, or sort of a copout. You tell me..

Flowers (Acrylic on Canvas)

This looks mass-produced but it is legit, real human and probably amateur artist-created art.

It feels kinda, slightly, somewhat 1970s-ish. I like it, but I don't "like it" like it.

It's okay. Better than many of the canvases up in here, for sure.

Landscape (Oil on Canvas)

 (Value Village Art Gallery Favorite)

Really nice. Super glad to have this in our gallery. A bit Van Gogh-y. And I mean that as a positive. We could use a lot more landscapes with this degree of heart and talent. Way to go, artiste!

Koy? (Acrylic on Canvas)

It's very rough (to the point of implied incompetence) but there's something about this that is just a little bit likable.

Mushroom and Frog (Acrylic on Canvas)

I really wanted to like this. Because I’m a fan of mushrooms, specifically Amanita Muscaria mushrooms. Not a big fan of frogs per se, but mushrooms are kinda great.

Anyway, as I started to say: I wanted to like this. But I don’t. Don’t get me wrong: it’s almost okay, for what it is. And it is, without a doubt, better than 30% of the paintings exhibited in this gallery. Maybe even better than 31% But…I don’t really like it that much. It feels “low effort.” The stems are wonky. There’s almost no depth. The frog’s arms and hands seem like an afterthought. Probably this was done by an extreme novice, so I won’t gripe too much. And I wouldn’t be surprised to learn that this was a Paint Night painting. If so, it’s one of the sliiiiightly better ones. 

Still, it’s just not very good. And it feels plebeian. Paintings of mushrooms and frogs are on the same level as…I dunno…gnomes. And pumpkins.

Collage? (Mixed Media on Canvas Board)

Really not the kind of thing I’m into. I’ve seen examples of this kind of thing that I like a lot more than this. This one feels dull. Just…dull. I can’t explain it. But while it appears to be proficient from a technical/technique standpoint, it’s just not that arresting.

Sorry 😬

Seashore and Lighthouse (Watercolor on Parchment?

This too was matted and framed and behind glass. I went to the trouble of removing it so I could get a non-glare-y photo. I’m glad I did. This is a little bit mundane but it shows a reasonably high degree of “knowing what the fuck one is doing” when it comes to using a paintbrush.

I like the background better than the foreground though.

Abstract (Watercolor on Paper)

This was matted and framed, behind glass. Someone kept this thing for over thirty years.

Thirty. Years.

Mountain Lake (Acrylic on Canvas)

“The Usual”

(For an explanation, see almost literally every 8th or 9th review): an abundance of black, blue, purple and some things in silhouette. 

Four out of six. Not great odds man…

Pointy Keith Herring-ish Thingy (Acrylic on Canvas)

It’s okay. For a vaguely Keith Herring-y pointy/angle-y-instead-of-roundish thingy. I guess? It is unpleasantly and rather disconcertingly glittery though. Not sure what’s up with that but 🤷‍♂️

Shamrocks? (Acrylic on Canvas)

This painting is a Sham. And it most definitely does not Rock…

 

Two Thirds of A Triptych (Acrylic on Canvas)

“We have just landed upon the outpost of death. My soul is puking.”

Duck or Swan (Acrylic on Canvas)

Has anyone here ever see a film called “Repo Man” (1984, Harry Dean Stanton, Emilio Estevez, Dir. Alex Cox)? There’s a scene where Miller (played by Tracy Walter) talks about air fresheners in cars being (as I understood it) symbolic of, and one might even say indicative of, the kind of people who wind up having their cars repossessed.

Wellll my “air fresheners in cars” is paintings with an overabundance of black, gray, blue, purple, pink, things in silhouette or any left-unpainted (i.e. white) canvas.

“Find one in every car. You’ll see.”

Shrubs of Some Kind (Acrylic on Canvas)

Is this…Monkey Grass? Who the hell knows! 

I am going to be hard put to say anything nice about this…thing. I mean, the moon isn’t even properly circular! It’s egg-shaped!

C’mon man…

Diamond Tread Aluminum Plate (Acrylic on Canvas)

This reminded me of something that I couldn’t quite put my finger on at first but eventually I got it: it looks a little bit (?) like the kind of corrugated aluminum often used to make truck running boards and locking compartments in truck beds. Amirite?

Woods and Bridge (Acrylic on Canvas)

There is a painting very much like this one hanging somewhere in this gallery. It too is done entirely in gray, black, gray-black, black-gray and a rather vomitous shade of red.

I am violently opposed to both it and its Dark Twin, this unsettling Siamese Chimera we see before us. Faugh!

Wolf in Moonlight (Acrylic on Canvas)

I came here fully expecting to give this thing one of my usual mean-spirited and spiteful reviews. But on reflection I’ve decided it’s not really that bad. The wolf’s (fox’s?) head seems a little bit undersized compared to it’s body. And I’m not sure whether it’s on fire, or if it just has Godzilla spikes along its back. All I know is that something funny is going on 🧐

Regardless, while I wouldn’t want this thing on MY wall, I can appreciate the fact that someone might want it on THEIR wall.

Marbleized or Something Like It (Acrylic on Canvas)

One of these damned things again! Whew.

It’s not good. It’s not bad. It just Is.

It is an Is.

Flower Arbor (Acrylic on Canvas)

I was starting to lose heart with all these questionable works of “ho hum”-ness (or worse, “gouge out my eyes”-ness) lately. But this one made it slightly less unworthwhile.

As usual: is it great? Nope. Is it good? Ehhh probably not. But it is…reasonably okay. Yes: the arch and those trees in the background are pretty awful. But at least no trolls or birch trees were involved. So there’s that.

Art!

Flower (Acrylic on Canvas)

This is the first flower painting about which I can’t find a single nice thing to say. 

Ghastly. Simply ghastly…

Captain America’s Shield? (Acrylic on Canvas)

This stuff is kind of exhausting…

Bear and Northern Lights (Acrylic on Canvas)

So many rule violations: a silhouette, black, purple, blue.

Very very uninteresting. Sorry.

(Postscript: this thing is so ugly I’ve just now realized that it caused me to mistake a buffalo for a bear.)

The Moon (Acrylic on Canvas)

(A little girl did this.)

“It’s WONDERFUL, child. Keep up the good work! You get four gold stars for your effort!” ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Road Scene (Acrylic on Canvas)

Not sure why the photo of this one came out all blurry, sorry about that.

(Actually I think the blurs are an improvement.)

No Idea Whatsoever (Pencil and Watercolor on Paper)

Are we looking at mountains? Upside-Down trees?

This thing was framed and behind glass. Done by a kid I’m guessing, and cherished by a parent or older relative for a while. Until it wasn’t.

Globby Rainbow Colors (Acrylic on Canvas Board)

The hues here are kind of gross. And the intentional or accidental Impasto-y globs of paint aren’t helping. Not very well done: this feels rushed to me, desultory, uninspired, “phoned in”.

Sorry.

Oops: a child did this. Disregard everything I said earlier.

This is just wonderful kiddo! Keep up the good work!!! 👍👍👍

Winter Scene (Acrylic on Canvas)

Really not very good at all…

Fishing Scene (Acrylic on Canvas Board)

This one came very close to making it to “Value Village Art Gallery Favorite” status, but then I changed my mind. It’s pretty good, but that’s about it.

Judging by the state of the back of this canvas board I’d say this was from the 70s. I could be wrong though.

Church Service (Acrylic on Canvas)

The colors are awful: black, brown, beige. Yeah, I know: it’s people colors. Still, even the ceiling is brown and even the background is an incomplete black. And there’s at least one head that, seen from the back, looks like a Morel mushroom. Still, the perspective bit is something we’ve not seen here before. Also the arms and hands are kind of nice. Not great by any means. But nice.

Anti-Silhouette (Acrylic on Canvas)

Very very peculiar. The Pink/Blue sky/cloud background is kind of nauseating. And then there’s this…young woman…picking at her ear…made of thick white lines…floating in the stratosphere.

I just don’t know man…

Lemon Magnolia Tree in a Bucket (Acrylic on Canvas)

Not a very realistic-looking small tree.

But: there are some good things here. The lemons towards the bottom of the canvas kinda pop. I like them. And in hindsight I’m beginning to think that the unrealisticnessity of this small tree and it’s leaves and it’s fruit might just be working in its favor. It’s starting to grow on me.

Haha. Get it?

(Seriously though. I really did change my mind. I kind of like this one.)

Flower (Acrylic on Canvas)

A flower. Done in white and black/gray/blue. Unbelievable. 

Not very colorful but, surprisingly, it’s really not that bad.

 

Somehow, the color-blind painting does have something going on that manages to work in its favor.

Unicorn (Acrylic on Canvas)

Kitschy. Stiff. Slightly weird. And at first glance the hooves look rather like high heels. Ugh.

The background is kind of nice though.