Three Bears (Acrylic on Canvas Board)

Despite the unfinished, bearly (haha get it?) complete and almost crayon-y look of this, I maintain that there is either some real talent here or at least a hint of some real talent in the making: this thing is put together pretty well. I wish the artist had expended a little more time and effort on it. But then again, if he or she had done so, it might’ve come out looking overworked and forced. Maybe the artist just knew when to call it a day. Regardless, this is a pretty good one I think. For what it is.

Soupçon of a Tree (Acrylic on Canvas)

I actually kiiiinda sorrrta maaaaybe (?) like the background a bit. Too bad there’s a stupid implication of a tree and low-to-no-effort birds cluttering it all up.

Trippy Swirly Flowers (Acrylic on Canvas)

I like this one! I really do. Partially because of the bright colors and kinda-sorta-but-not-really neon /dayglo colors. But also because of the layout/staging/whatever. I just like it. It grabs me. It would’ve been better without the black/brown area in the upper center but eh, I’m not complaining.

Signatures! Artists: sign your work! :/ 

Twisty Bible Tree (Acrylic on Canvas)

It’s…really not so great, is it? The bible looks weird, the tree trunk is transparent, and the signature bit looks like something you might see on a caricature artist’s finished product. And does this kiiinda look airbrushed to you? It does to me. Eh.

Bland Butterfly (Acrylic on Canvas)

So I suppose (?) pink and pale green isn’t quite as bad as pink and black (see previous painting) but it’s pretty darned close. And SINCE WHEN are butterfly wings shaped like this? Also, why did the artist decide said wings should have veins and rivets? 

What in the Wide World of Sports is going on here?

“MY EYES!!! MY EYES!!!” (Acrylic on Canvas)

Ya might be surprised ta larn thet here et the good ‘ol (Value) Village Art Gallery ah often see what ah consider to be a statistically-significant number of paintings involving black (er gray), and PANK. Ah’m et a loss to explain this danged ol’ turn of events mahself, I jest document it and mosey on along.

Now this ol’ painting rot cheer jest ain’t thet good, and on a number of levels ta boot (color choice, subjeckt matter, the staging o’ thet thar subjeckt matter, perspective/depth etc.) But sance ah’m assuming thet the vole er mole er bat thet painted it had a high ol’ time while doing so, we’ll just leave it et that shall we?

(By the way: I’m not sure why I slipped into dialect during my review, other than maybe just trying to amuse myself and to thereby hold up under the strain of so many awful paintings lately.)

“Ya’ll come back now, y’hear?”

“T for Terrible” (Acrylic on Canvas)

I need a vacation…

“FML” (Wasted Paint on Unfulfilled Canvas)

(RE: three paintings back now) I continue to not kid you.

Your guess is still as good as, if not better than, mine…

Grey, Green and Yellow Splotches (Acrylic on Canvas)

 (See two paintings back): Still not kidding.

Red and Black Splotches (Acrylic on Canvas)

(See previous painting): You thought I was kidding, didn’t you?

Atomic Bomb Swans (Acrylic on Canvas)

It sure looks like a mushroom cloud behind these two pelicans but it’s probably just me: I’ve been reading a lot of literature about Nuclear War lately so I guess I’ve just got Bombs on the Brain.

BELIEVE IT OR NOT, this is the best painting we’ll be installing/exhibiting today. Out of five. Five!

“Drop Nuke Here!”

Gimmicky Thingie (Acrylic on Canvas)

Okay. I feel like this has to be a rip-off of someone else’s idea. Maybe it was originally in the form of a cartoon, or a graphic art image, or even someone else’s painting entirely. But I’m reasonably confident this was lifted from somewhere. 

That having been said, if it’s NOT a ripoff, if this IS an original idea on the part of this artist, then this is really quite interesting. Simple and to the point. Evocative of mood and feeling, not overstated or overworked, and not cloying or over-the-top. Moody in a 1960s New Yorker kind of way.

I wish I knew which.

Coffee Bean Harvesting (?) (Acrylic on Canvas)

Is it “amateur-commercial”? Tourist Art? I’m thinking so. But there is the slimmest of chances that this is just art by some random person and not made to be sold. It’s so awkward and inelegant in so many ways but it’s so well-put-together in others. I feel like I’m gonna have to remove this one some day. But for now? “It’s here, it’s queer: get over it.”

Flower Sunset (Acrylic on Canvas)

I’ve come up with what I think is a great idea: let’s OUTLAW acrylic paint! And then let’s make oil paints super expensive. Maybe we’ll weed out the dabblers and see less stuff like this!

Okay, I got that out. Whew. Actually this one really doesn’t bug me THAT much. I’ve seen soooo much worse. The mix of colors isn’t too boring. The sun is weird, the shadows/shading (?) is blue, but in the grand scheme of things, I can definitely live with this.

 

Some Kind of Manga/Anime BS (Acrylic on Canvas)

Okay I’m done. Make up your own review for this one in the comments section below.

What the heck?!? (Acrylic on Canvas)

I have no idea what this is, what’s going on, or why it exists. How can I be expected to make jokes about something if I don’t know what it is?

Tropical Scene (Acrylic on Canvas)

This miiiight be commercial, from back in the day. It’s obviously old. But it’s also soooo um artisanal-feeling, amateurish and outsider-artsy-feeling that I’m including it here. Look closely and you’ll see clearly-identifiable earmarks of someone who isn’t great at painting. Overall, I do like this. From far away it is kinda fetching. Up close, it is kinda rough.

Hahaha. Artisanal = Art Is Anal.

Moonlit Tree (Acrylic on Canvas)

Purple/Pink/Blue: three of my least-favorite (and most-often-overused-here) colors. I don’t fault the artist per se, because he or she was obviously just having fun and shouldn’t be held toooo responsible for creating something that is almost totally devoid of meaning, importance, or vitality.

Oily Blues (Acrylic on Canvas)

Take Two: “Regulars here probably already know what I’m about to say: ‘I’m generally not a fan of this type of thing, blah de blah.’ And ‘I’m definitely not usually a fan of the overuse (or even the use!) of blue and/or purple in amateur art.’ “

In this case they’d be right: I’m not a fan. This painting isn’t bad per se, it’s just…not that interesting. Someone could totally build a machine to do this.

 

Abstract Blues (Acrylic on Canvas)

Regulars here probably already know what I’m about to say: “I’m generally not a fan of this type of thing, blah de blah.” And “I’m definitely not usually a fan of the overuse (or even the use!) of blue and/or purple in amateur art.” But here’s a surprise: I actually like this one. Not to an “I would buy it” extent, but for sure to an “I’m enjoying looking at it” extent. Not sure why. I just like it! :) Good job, artistic human-type person.

 

Cup of Tea (Acrylic on Pasteboard)

I’m strangely intrigued by this very smol (maybe 3” x 4”?) painting. My initial thought was that the person’s left thumb was bandaged and the person’s right thumb and index fingers were in dire need of bandages! Then I realized that what an assumed was a thumb bandage is actually (?) a teabag on the edge of the saucer. Which probably means the bloody right thumb and index finger are probably just a very unfortunate portrayal of shading/shadowing. Also, the coffee cup umm um um (frantically googling “parts of a coffee cup”) handle (?) is terrifically (as in terrifyingly) malformed. It looks like an ear! YET DESPITE ALL THIS, i do kind of like this painting. Keep up the reasonably good work, artiste.

Birds and Branches (Acrylic on Canvas)

It’s probably a pretty bad sign when you can get three paintings rubber-banded together for $6.99 - that’s like…$2.33 each! Whoaaa. Anyway, surprisingly, I don’t hate this as much as you might expect. Despite the branches looking a little weird, the fruit looks like it might be figs (figs are cool!) and it’s been a long time since I was around a fig tree so who knows, maybe fig tree branches really do look like this! And the bird on the left is actually pretty great. As an added bonus, there’s no blue or purple! Winning!