Ocean View (Acrylic on Canvas Board)

Above the horizon isn’t great but it’s not bad. Below the horizon though is a hot mess: it looks a bit like finger painting. Did two different people do this?

Yellow Fish (Acrylic on Paper)

Since I don’t know what kind of fish this is supposed to be, I can’t say whether this painting is any good or not (in the sense of it being an accurate representation of THE fish.) 

What I can say, though, is that this looks very much like A fish. So…nice job, Aden!

Mountain Range (Acrylic on Canvas Board)

It’s weird. Its stylized. And it has the largest rising (setting?) sun ever seen. But again: someone liked/loved it enough to put it behind glass and into a frame. It’s not awful. It’s…okay. Really.

Trust me: I’ve seen worse. Much worse.

 

Pumpkins (Acrylic on Canvas)

These are some nicely-shaped pumpkins. Notice: they’re round while also slightly squished at the top. Just like real pumpkins. Admittedly, the stems are kinda garbage: very un-stemlike in my opinion. Also: not a huge fan of the fence. But the combination of orange and green (grass, the vine-y bits) are appealing. Overall, it’s not bad.

Road and Mountain Horizon (Acrylic on Canvas)

I’m like 90% sure this was the of some random Paint Night group: I’d bet money on it.

Pretty soon I’ll have to up my critical judgment on stuff like this but for some reason lately I’ve been feeling uncharacteristically charitable: I’m going to say I kind of like this. Regular visitors here may be able to guess why: we have bright colors! Yellow. And green! Such a welcome change. True, there’s some (eh) blue and (ugh) purple, but they’re lighter/brighter blues and purples. The birds (or are they bats)? Lame. The trees? Lame. The road? Way too damned straight. Worse, it doesn’t even look like it’s receding into the distance. But taken together, this painting is basically okay. To the artist: whoever and wherever you are, keep it up!

Trees and Snow (Acrylic on Canvas)

Better trees than I could do. Better snow on trees than I could do. Not a fan of the ground and snow cover. The sky is weird but definitely makes the trees POP. It’s okay!

MISTER Harold Styles (Acrylic on Canvas)

 What the hell is wrong with people?!?

Stringed Instrument (Acrylic on Canvas)

Ok so hear me out: I’m being totally serious for once.

 

This, to me, looks very much like the kind of mass-produced, generic, noncommittal, soulless faux-painting one might easily be able to purchase at Target: the kind of painting one would buy simply in order to break up the space on an empty wall. Or (better!) if one were staging a home for sale and wanted a painting that wouldn’t offend anyone or that anyone would even give a first (let alone a second) thought to, such a painting as this would fit the bill precisely. 

That being the case, would our conclusion be that this painting is really good? Or that the “filler” paintings you see at Target are really bad?

Purple Tree (Acrylic on Canvas)

I should buy stock in a purple acrylic paint company. Have I talked to you about my ongoing war with purple before? I’m sure I have. Purple and blue are the two most overused colors in your typical Amateur Artist’s palette.

And the background is grey. Grey! What the heck?!?

Flowers (Acrylic on Canvas)

Blood-red stems and leaves, black and grey petals. What is this, a horror movie? Cheer the hell up, Emma. Whew!

Water Lily (Acrylic on Canvas)

Monet has nothing to worry about…

Wooded Landscape (Watercolor on Paper)

I know almost nothing about watercolor painting. To anyone who does: do you think this was difficult to do? Or was it probably pretty easy? The reason I ask is because I like this a LOT! And I feel like it shows skill. But; if watercolor is super easy, maybe it’s not really all that great? Feel free to let me know. What I can say though is that I regret not buying this. Which, for me, is high praise indeed. Because I’m kinda tight with my money. Frugal is what I’m saying. Thrifty.

Anyway. Nice work, Dot. I hope you’re still at it.

Candy Warhol (Acrylic on Canvas)

I had originally (and not very creatively) titled this one “Candy Corn”, but I got as far as typing the caption “I’m imagining some Fat Kid version of Andy Warhol…” and realized OHHHH FUCK CANDY WARHOL!!! BWAH HAHAHAHA I’M A FREAKING COMEDIC GENIUS BWAH HAHAHAHAHA…

And that’s…the rest of the story!

Inscrutable Swooshes of Paint (Acrylic on Canvas)

My rule of thumb is: without there being a signature, if I can’t tell whether a painting is upside-down or not, I have carte blanche to make fun of it.

My other rule of thumb is: if I do a painting that I don’t like, I destroy it. That way, no one ever finds it and just assumes that I thought it was any good or (worse!) that I thought it was GREAT. Do you get my meaning? Am I coming through?

Thus Endeth the Lesson.

Magma Flow (Acrylic on Canvas Board)

“THE CANVAS IS LAVA!!!”

Again, I don’t dislike this. I’m just not sure what it is, how it was done, or even what with. I’m only guessing that it’s acrylic. It could be stomach acid for all I know. Or stem cells. Was this an experiment maybe?

It’s kinda cool though…

Uh Salad Bowl maybe? (Watercolor? on Paper)

Sort of ho hum but it’s not that bad really. I just don’t know what’s going on with it.
 

Ocean and Sky (Watercolor on Watercolor Paper)

As usual when I need information that civilized people are typically privy to, I ask my wife. I say this because I’m gonna have to ask her what “that thick, wavy, expensive paper used in watercolor painting” is called by members of polite society. I doubt it’s just called “watercolor paper.” Anyway, here’s another one by the previous artist. I like it too. It’s mellow and understated, while still being clearly recognizable for what it is. I’m a big fan of understated. I myself tend to go overboard. As a kid, I sent in an entry to a local tv news channel “draw the weather” thing they did every evening. Mine eventually got picked but only because it was so dumb. It had rain, storm clouds, lightning, a tornado, a tidal wave, an earthquake, snow, fog, and even a meteor shower I think. And a sun shining brightly in the upper right hand corner! I was in 5th grade. I wasn’t even trying to be funny. I was just goofy.

UPDATE: She said it IS just called watercolor paper after all. Who knew?

Mountain Range (Watercolor on Paper)

Mountain ranges are popular subjects for artists in these here parts. Fortunately for us, this person knew what he or she was doing. I like it.