Rowboat (Colored Pen? on Paper)

It's colorful, I'll say that! But...either the dimensions are off, or the perspective is. Or both. It's kind of like when you say a word a bunch of times and it stops seeming like the word that it is, or like a word at all. Have you ever had that experience? 

This, visually, stops looking like a rowboat on water if I look at it for very long. 

Anyway. Nice colors!

Apple-Shaped Pineapple (Acrylic on Shiplap)

Probably not actually shiplap. I just like saying shiplap.

Shiplap.

Shiplap.

Shiiiiiiiip Lap.

Okay. Back to work I guess. 

This is a pretty meager effort, art-wise. But I do like the colors. Any painting lacking in blue, purple, black, grey or any shade of pink will generally get a halfway-decent grade from me. With a few exceptions, of course. But: it has been my experience that the colors I've just mentioned are most often associated with "War Crime"-level affronts to (as Ignatius Reilly would say) taste, decency, geometry and theology, art-wise.

(Shiplap!)

The Whotzit (Pencil on Paper)

We have a squid in a snail shell, a rhino left hanging while attempting a fist-bump, and a bird creature with a assumedly small (and thankfully hidden) shlong.

Other than that, I have no freaking clue what this is all about. I'm open for suggestions though.

It's inscrutable.

Butterfly (Watercolor on Paper)

By far the best painting of a (butterfly) that we have ever exhibited here. There have been a bunch, and they have all pretty much sucked. But: I do not want that circumstance to in any way diminish the praise due to this person. No way, hosehead! This is a legit high-art-level painting of a (butterfly) and we are quite fortunate to have it. Seriously.

Well done, artist-type person!

Aurora #9 (Acrylic on Canvas)

They're back!!! BLUE! And PURPLE! Gaaaaaaah!!!!

I actually have no idea what number this would be, I'm just guessing. It feeeeels like number 9 or 10 to me, but it's really probably just number 6 or 7. I don't have the energy or inclination to keep a running count. Whatever the number actually is, it is bound to be neck and neck with the number of paintings we have involving a) mountains or b) birch trees. Oh well.

Poison Dart Frog (Acrylic on Canvas Board)

By far the best painting of a Poison Dart Frog that we have ever exhibited here. Possibly the only painting of a Poison Dart Frog, actually. Which is not to diminish the praise owed to the artist responsible. No way, hoser! This is a legit high-art-level painting of a Poison Dart Frog and we are fortunate to have it. 

Well done, artist-type person!

Christmas Tree Truck (Acrylic on Canvas)

It continues to be a very slow month for art.

Boy those are some small wheels! We should "Believe in Trucks with Demonstrably-Poor Proportions" I guess.

This isn't "across the board" bad. But the uninteresting gray crate-patterned background is dull in a way that many paintings by amateurs consistently are. There's a slogan/saying/homily/credo present as well, which is usually the Kiss of Death as far as I'm concerned.

Merry Christmas ya filthy animal!

Float Plane (apparently Latex House Paint on somethingorother)

Allow me to again state, for the record, that April has been a verrrry sloooow month for art.

Probably (?) not actually latex house paint, but it sure is shiny and weird. And it's having been framed behind glass isn't helping. The propeller-that-looks-like-an-eyeball-in-a-circle isn't so great either. But I suppose it's not easy to convey blurred motion with a can of what may very well have been (?) Sherman Williams.

Sorry, there's just not much that one can say about this. Except that, sigh, I SUPPOSE that despite its flaws, an actual sense of in-flight action is present. The scene portrayed here is reasonably free from being static. So...way to go...I guess, artiste!👍

Puffin (Acrylic on Canvas)

It has been a slow month for art. But that's not to say that I don't like this. From a "real" art standpoint it is plebian, inorganic, derivative and trendy, but it's not bad in an Amateur Art cloying Van Gogh vibe sense. It's kinda fun, actually. 

As I am usually wont to say at times like this: Artist: paint from your heart and gut. Not from wherever this originated.